But I actually have my own website now. Its a strange thought.
Everything The Power of Mess started as and everything that it has grown to be, although not huge, has ultimately come to this: my own page of existence.
http://scrtsolstice.com
More than likely this will be the last post on here, but I wanted to let you know that posts do still exist - just on my own little slice of the internet now. :)
January 06, 2015
November 03, 2013
NanoWrimo
It is easy to say that I have been doing NanoWrimo for a few years but it is extremely hard to say that I have never actually completed it.
I have completed the 50,000 words, sure - but I have never finished the novels that I was working on... odd thought but I generally pick up another project as time moves on. Sounds about right for most people but perhaps that is just the way I look at it.
I have completed the 50,000 words, sure - but I have never finished the novels that I was working on... odd thought but I generally pick up another project as time moves on. Sounds about right for most people but perhaps that is just the way I look at it.
July 18, 2013
Katanna the fighter, rest well in peace
Today I met the fickleness of life.
It watched my reaction to the scene before me and through it
I saw the empty hollows of tragedy.
Today I witnessed a dog die.
There is something to be said about how everything played out in the day. I had a chorus of customers who came through my till with odd ball jobs. It was not a busy day per say but a day of oddities. Something that needed to be shrunk but wanted it enlarged at the same time, Something that needed 15 discs of photos transferred onto a USB even though most discs did not contain photos, Something that required a far more delicate hand than I to be sure, but these are all just Somethings. Somethings that left and dried up to become mortar for the remainder of the day.
I clocked out early.
Ten minutes early, though more like 6 according to the new time clock system which everyone absolutely hates.
I proceeded to talk to coworkers in the store for the next ten minutes.
So ideally maybe I should have stayed clocked in since, to be honest, I could care less about a chunk of the people I work with. They all live in their own worlds and though they should, they do it a little too much.
I digress.
I left for the doctors.
Which of course is now on the opposite side of town from the new house because our old landlord decided he wanted a family.
Of course not having a family while I was underage was a bad thing....
Going to school was a bad thing
Graduating with two degrees was a bad thing...
Now we live across town with two lovely roommates.
I enter the doctors about ten minutes after six.
Should be noted that they close at seven.
There is a note on the counter than reads that the wait time is one hour.
Though this note looks hastily written.
Probably due to the fact that they don't want anymore clients.
The receptionist ignores me.
Someone lines up behind me.
The receptionist ignores me.
Someone else walks out of a client room and lines up.
The receptionist ignores me.
You see where this is going.
After answering a phone call and tenderly telling her husband that she needs to pick up milk she tells us that someone will be with us in a moment.
She is the only receptionist.
Then!
Receptionist two walks up.
The receptionist who happened to prep me for my toe surgery in May.
The receptionist who ignored me the last time I rushed into the office with my massive nose bleed which wouldn't quit.
The receptionist that clearly did not want to talk to the hard of hearing patient but chose to semifocus on her while simultaneously ignoring us both so that she wouldn't have to deal with me.
AND the receptionist who at this moment acted like she had no idea who I was.
Yes I have been here before.
Yes I have seen this particular doctor.
No I do not mind waiting.
Yes I think you are a waste of time.
I sit down.
Learn on the news that a man has woken from a coma speaking only swedish.
Learn on the news that 22 school children have died from a free lunch in India.
Learn that Maine, of all places, has provided funding to the small Quebec town which had a tragedy last weekend before our own government.
Should be briefly noted here that I actually like our current government, but please do not get political on me - I am not a doorknocker and I will not try to sell you my preferences.
Screaming Child.
Drug Addict.
Cell phone user.
Me.
Waiting.
In.
The receptionist walks me in.
The receptionist asks what my problem is.
The receptionist states "you poor girl" for the fact that I am here to refill my birth control prescription.
Sorry.
I am in this room.
I hate doctors rooms.
They are small.
They are built with a purpose.
That purpose is to shelter you from the horrible looks people make while they hear you talk about your problems and, quite often, scream in pain from needles.
Those cheery posters on the ceiling don't help.
The doctor comes in.
The doctor makes a somewhat humorous comment about my refill.
Asks me about my last Pap where I tell him that my doctor doesn't really exist anymore and she therefore hasn't called me fore one in two or so years.
He says I need to get one or else I am limited to 3 months.
Pain in my arse.
I leave.
London Drugs.
In and Out.
People stare at my messenger bag.
Everyone always judges.
I am not a thief.
I just like Superman bags.
Not purses.
Not that pink Superman crap - Supergirl doesn't even wear pink so whoever came up with that is just nonsense.
I call Alex.
Tell him I am on my way.
I leave.
Now it gets sad.
Three streets down from my new house.
Few blocks up.
I see an oddly dressed man and a dog on the side of the road.
I remember thinking that he looked semi homeless but he just appeared to be hipster.
I remember thinking that I shouldn't judge.
I remember the dog darting across the road.
I slammed on my brakes.
Hard on my brakes.
Missed him.
Quite thankful that I noted him sooner.
Quite thankful that I didn't hit the dog.
Foot on gas again and I hear it.
The sound of a dog hitting a car.
Like too many soda cans squished into a bag and now gasping for their own space. Its hard and metal coming together quickly and then yelping. Labored.
Quick shoulder check,
turn signal,
yank of the wheel,
windows up,
doors unlocked,
up,
out,
locked.
Yelping.
Now I am the one darting across the street.
Young husky, mostly white is lying on the ground
Facing the direction I was headed,
its back paws up in the air just resting on the curb,
blood trickling from its opened mouth,
stunned expression,
and labored breathing.
Its trying to stay alive.
The two cars in the oncoming traffic had also pulled over,
one of them the car who it it.
I had been quick enough,
the car immediately across the line,
a couple with a small child just as quick,
but the one beside us - not so.
A mother with her daughters in the car.
The gentleman who I questioned earlier is also there.
He is swearing but seemingly unfazed,
this isn't his dog he says,
he was just helping a friend trying to find it.
We start watch
I start calling places
everywhere
SPCA
Emergency hotline
Finally get through to Burtch Animal Hospital and the girl puts me on hold
ON HOLD
there is a dog dying in the street and you put me on hold
the man who I questioned leaves to find his friend
says the dog's name is "Katanna"
the female from the young couple is on the ground
petting the dog
talking to it
The mother of the two girls is reliving the moment
she didn't see Katanna
not enough time
I know its true
I had been close enough
there was no time
Man runs up,
three - four friends in tow
he throws his head into Katanna's
crying
trying to figure something out
Burtch picks up again and asks to call me back
Meanwhile the male from the young couple has gotten in touch with Fairfield
Trusty Fairfield I do not know why I didn't think of them sooner
They are amazing and say that they are sending an ambulance now
I text Alex
I am going to be late
I saw a dog get hit by a car
He wants to come
I say the ambulance is on its way
Owner calls his mother
they argue about a door
they argue about a gate
they argue in general
"what do you want me to do? just leave her here?!"
sounds absurd
who leaves their own dog out in the road
I don't give a damn about how she got out, she is a part of your family and she is dying on the side of the road so have a bit of sensibility, and a bit of grace or kindness or common sense could help too
Things are slowing down,
people are honking at my empty car across the road
its two laned on either side but not much room for parking
people keep asking if we need help
a neighbor comes outside with her kid trying to help
a lady pulls up and we tell her not to worry
she uturns anyways and starts asking us questions from a window
blocks a driveway and comes over anyways
Katanna stops breathing
happens so fast
tried so hard
labored
the owner starts saying her name over and over
the ambulance isn't here yet
nothing we could have done
most of us agree she is gone
the odd breath comes out but
she has already fought so much
my mind goes numb
thinks of things like that girl in hemlock grove always stating how she wants to be a novelist and this is valuable experience
is it valuable experience?
then I go positive
at least she is surrounded by love
lots of humans coming to try to help her
getting her owner so that they could talk
I start to break down
I tell the male from the young couple
this is getting crowded
he doesnt need all these people here
you guys have it under control
my car is causing a mess
so I am going to go
I think about offering the young bodies a ride
to the animal hospital or something when the ambulance comes
but I already know the inevitable at this point
the male seems to agrees with the expression I have and nods
so I leave
come home
come in the door
burst into tears
bury myself in Alex's sweaty shirt
relive the entire thing
come downstairs
practically smother my cat in hugs
drown him in tears
and just lay there, the three of us, our family
"I never want a dog" I say
"Or I want really tall fences and sixty locks on the gate"
I don't ever want to hear that noise again.
I go to Walmart and buy Jones a small treat food can.
Bring it home and he goes crazy for it.
He probably doesn't understand any of it
but he is happy as a fish with a hookless worm
I saw the fickle face of life today but in the end in showed me my humanity
I thought that I may never get over the death of my cousin and friend, but life is too short for that
Animals lives can be even shorter - Love all in the family. Sounds so cheesy but I don't ever think I will feel the same again, and not just being I gained another experience for my novel.
It watched my reaction to the scene before me and through it
I saw the empty hollows of tragedy.
Today I witnessed a dog die.
There is something to be said about how everything played out in the day. I had a chorus of customers who came through my till with odd ball jobs. It was not a busy day per say but a day of oddities. Something that needed to be shrunk but wanted it enlarged at the same time, Something that needed 15 discs of photos transferred onto a USB even though most discs did not contain photos, Something that required a far more delicate hand than I to be sure, but these are all just Somethings. Somethings that left and dried up to become mortar for the remainder of the day.
I clocked out early.
Ten minutes early, though more like 6 according to the new time clock system which everyone absolutely hates.
I proceeded to talk to coworkers in the store for the next ten minutes.
So ideally maybe I should have stayed clocked in since, to be honest, I could care less about a chunk of the people I work with. They all live in their own worlds and though they should, they do it a little too much.
I digress.
I left for the doctors.
Which of course is now on the opposite side of town from the new house because our old landlord decided he wanted a family.
Of course not having a family while I was underage was a bad thing....
Going to school was a bad thing
Graduating with two degrees was a bad thing...
Now we live across town with two lovely roommates.
I enter the doctors about ten minutes after six.
Should be noted that they close at seven.
There is a note on the counter than reads that the wait time is one hour.
Though this note looks hastily written.
Probably due to the fact that they don't want anymore clients.
The receptionist ignores me.
Someone lines up behind me.
The receptionist ignores me.
Someone else walks out of a client room and lines up.
The receptionist ignores me.
You see where this is going.
After answering a phone call and tenderly telling her husband that she needs to pick up milk she tells us that someone will be with us in a moment.
She is the only receptionist.
Then!
Receptionist two walks up.
The receptionist who happened to prep me for my toe surgery in May.
The receptionist who ignored me the last time I rushed into the office with my massive nose bleed which wouldn't quit.
The receptionist that clearly did not want to talk to the hard of hearing patient but chose to semifocus on her while simultaneously ignoring us both so that she wouldn't have to deal with me.
AND the receptionist who at this moment acted like she had no idea who I was.
Yes I have been here before.
Yes I have seen this particular doctor.
No I do not mind waiting.
Yes I think you are a waste of time.
I sit down.
Learn on the news that a man has woken from a coma speaking only swedish.
Learn on the news that 22 school children have died from a free lunch in India.
Learn that Maine, of all places, has provided funding to the small Quebec town which had a tragedy last weekend before our own government.
Should be briefly noted here that I actually like our current government, but please do not get political on me - I am not a doorknocker and I will not try to sell you my preferences.
Screaming Child.
Drug Addict.
Cell phone user.
Me.
Waiting.
In.
The receptionist walks me in.
The receptionist asks what my problem is.
The receptionist states "you poor girl" for the fact that I am here to refill my birth control prescription.
Sorry.
I am in this room.
I hate doctors rooms.
They are small.
They are built with a purpose.
That purpose is to shelter you from the horrible looks people make while they hear you talk about your problems and, quite often, scream in pain from needles.
Those cheery posters on the ceiling don't help.
The doctor comes in.
The doctor makes a somewhat humorous comment about my refill.
Asks me about my last Pap where I tell him that my doctor doesn't really exist anymore and she therefore hasn't called me fore one in two or so years.
He says I need to get one or else I am limited to 3 months.
Pain in my arse.
I leave.
London Drugs.
In and Out.
People stare at my messenger bag.
Everyone always judges.
I am not a thief.
I just like Superman bags.
Not purses.
Not that pink Superman crap - Supergirl doesn't even wear pink so whoever came up with that is just nonsense.
I call Alex.
Tell him I am on my way.
I leave.
Now it gets sad.
Three streets down from my new house.
Few blocks up.
I see an oddly dressed man and a dog on the side of the road.
I remember thinking that he looked semi homeless but he just appeared to be hipster.
I remember thinking that I shouldn't judge.
I remember the dog darting across the road.
I slammed on my brakes.
Hard on my brakes.
Missed him.
Quite thankful that I noted him sooner.
Quite thankful that I didn't hit the dog.
Foot on gas again and I hear it.
The sound of a dog hitting a car.
Like too many soda cans squished into a bag and now gasping for their own space. Its hard and metal coming together quickly and then yelping. Labored.
Quick shoulder check,
turn signal,
yank of the wheel,
windows up,
doors unlocked,
up,
out,
locked.
Yelping.
Now I am the one darting across the street.
Young husky, mostly white is lying on the ground
Facing the direction I was headed,
its back paws up in the air just resting on the curb,
blood trickling from its opened mouth,
stunned expression,
and labored breathing.
Its trying to stay alive.
The two cars in the oncoming traffic had also pulled over,
one of them the car who it it.
I had been quick enough,
the car immediately across the line,
a couple with a small child just as quick,
but the one beside us - not so.
A mother with her daughters in the car.
The gentleman who I questioned earlier is also there.
He is swearing but seemingly unfazed,
this isn't his dog he says,
he was just helping a friend trying to find it.
We start watch
I start calling places
everywhere
SPCA
Emergency hotline
Finally get through to Burtch Animal Hospital and the girl puts me on hold
ON HOLD
there is a dog dying in the street and you put me on hold
the man who I questioned leaves to find his friend
says the dog's name is "Katanna"
the female from the young couple is on the ground
petting the dog
talking to it
The mother of the two girls is reliving the moment
she didn't see Katanna
not enough time
I know its true
I had been close enough
there was no time
Man runs up,
three - four friends in tow
he throws his head into Katanna's
crying
trying to figure something out
Burtch picks up again and asks to call me back
Meanwhile the male from the young couple has gotten in touch with Fairfield
Trusty Fairfield I do not know why I didn't think of them sooner
They are amazing and say that they are sending an ambulance now
I text Alex
I am going to be late
I saw a dog get hit by a car
He wants to come
I say the ambulance is on its way
Owner calls his mother
they argue about a door
they argue about a gate
they argue in general
"what do you want me to do? just leave her here?!"
sounds absurd
who leaves their own dog out in the road
I don't give a damn about how she got out, she is a part of your family and she is dying on the side of the road so have a bit of sensibility, and a bit of grace or kindness or common sense could help too
Things are slowing down,
people are honking at my empty car across the road
its two laned on either side but not much room for parking
people keep asking if we need help
a neighbor comes outside with her kid trying to help
a lady pulls up and we tell her not to worry
she uturns anyways and starts asking us questions from a window
blocks a driveway and comes over anyways
Katanna stops breathing
happens so fast
tried so hard
labored
the owner starts saying her name over and over
the ambulance isn't here yet
nothing we could have done
most of us agree she is gone
the odd breath comes out but
she has already fought so much
my mind goes numb
thinks of things like that girl in hemlock grove always stating how she wants to be a novelist and this is valuable experience
is it valuable experience?
then I go positive
at least she is surrounded by love
lots of humans coming to try to help her
getting her owner so that they could talk
I start to break down
I tell the male from the young couple
this is getting crowded
he doesnt need all these people here
you guys have it under control
my car is causing a mess
so I am going to go
I think about offering the young bodies a ride
to the animal hospital or something when the ambulance comes
but I already know the inevitable at this point
the male seems to agrees with the expression I have and nods
so I leave
come home
come in the door
burst into tears
bury myself in Alex's sweaty shirt
relive the entire thing
come downstairs
practically smother my cat in hugs
drown him in tears
and just lay there, the three of us, our family
"I never want a dog" I say
"Or I want really tall fences and sixty locks on the gate"
I don't ever want to hear that noise again.
I go to Walmart and buy Jones a small treat food can.
Bring it home and he goes crazy for it.
He probably doesn't understand any of it
but he is happy as a fish with a hookless worm
I saw the fickle face of life today but in the end in showed me my humanity
I thought that I may never get over the death of my cousin and friend, but life is too short for that
Animals lives can be even shorter - Love all in the family. Sounds so cheesy but I don't ever think I will feel the same again, and not just being I gained another experience for my novel.
October 03, 2011
Zee Tumblr
You should know first and foremost that the majority of my posting is now on my tumblr with the same username http://scrtsolstice.tumblr.com ! I highly suggest you follow that as I seem to post there multiple times a day!!
That being said I am about to write a rant so please please! go to my tumblr!!
That being said I am about to write a rant so please please! go to my tumblr!!
March 15, 2011
Who deserves to have a sandwich named after them?
William Shatner. And if for some reason it already exists... becaue I wouldn't doubt it then Angela Lansbury!
March 14, 2011
Rock Lobster!
So I am beginning to think that I should switch my prospective career.
I mean... it's an interesting concept. I love writing, I love everything about reading and being a part of the industry but now I am thinking that in the long run. The run where cheetahs are slow... that is the exactly the run I mean. That I should be an editor. Or at least be a part of the publishing process.
BLAH
On a completely different note I thought I found a car. Then I found out that I may have jumped the gun. Bah... people over value their cars.
For instance:
I loved my car: 1987 528e BMW
A car like no other that was produced for Europe and a handful made their way over to Northern America. So here it is this late model BMW that is unique, painted in BMW blue, in almost mint condition wit the back end completely redone and what happens.
Stupid Cow illegally turns in front of me and my car folds in half - saving my life in the process - but still it folds. This beautiful car. Totaled.
What does ICBC want to give me for it : 1400. What is it worth if it is in perfect condition: 15,000. The condition my car was in: 8-10,000.
BAHHH!!!!!
Most girls have a list of things they want a guy to be like. Their expectations or wish list depending on the girl you talk to. My only list is about a car. My new car that I need more than anything at the moment because I am currently marooned on a mountain with the nearest bus stop being an hour and a half walk.
My List for my new car (Be prepared, cause it is as shallow as ever):
I mean... it's an interesting concept. I love writing, I love everything about reading and being a part of the industry but now I am thinking that in the long run. The run where cheetahs are slow... that is the exactly the run I mean. That I should be an editor. Or at least be a part of the publishing process.
BLAH
On a completely different note I thought I found a car. Then I found out that I may have jumped the gun. Bah... people over value their cars.
For instance:
I loved my car: 1987 528e BMW
A car like no other that was produced for Europe and a handful made their way over to Northern America. So here it is this late model BMW that is unique, painted in BMW blue, in almost mint condition wit the back end completely redone and what happens.
Stupid Cow illegally turns in front of me and my car folds in half - saving my life in the process - but still it folds. This beautiful car. Totaled.
What does ICBC want to give me for it : 1400. What is it worth if it is in perfect condition: 15,000. The condition my car was in: 8-10,000.
BAHHH!!!!!
Most girls have a list of things they want a guy to be like. Their expectations or wish list depending on the girl you talk to. My only list is about a car. My new car that I need more than anything at the moment because I am currently marooned on a mountain with the nearest bus stop being an hour and a half walk.
My List for my new car (Be prepared, cause it is as shallow as ever):
- BMW
- Not Red or White or Tan, preferably not Green either
- Preferably dark in colour: Grey or Black
- Born in the 90s, but will settle for another older model
- Somewhere in the early 200,000 range preferably but will again settle for 280,00 again
- Needs to be Automatic, but then again I could get off my ass and learn stick at some point. I am straight after all.
- Would like a nice set of rims included
- Would like something a little nicer than a stock system
- Slight spoiler or kit on it an added bonus
- Not in an accident
- Paint in tact
- Interior preferably a dark colour
February 24, 2011
I heard you good with them soft lips.
Its Monday.....
Nope...
its Thurrsdayyyyy....
Even better. Another week slowly passing with me staring blankly at the screen of my computer trying to figure out what the hell to write about...
You would never know it but I have now been published twice, but for poetry - which is something I do not really have a passion for but hoped to expand my mind to. As for what I really do I have about three novels on the run as of right now. Periodically I will perk up and write in them but not massively as I had planned.
Then comes the distraction. Boy leaves girls, likes another girl, girl wants boy back. Heartbreak ensues. Then comes moving, then comes writing, then comes WoW, then comes moving, then comes passion like no other, and then comes D&D.
Then I think to myself.. hey I could write D&D.... and I think about it. I like the idea. I could write a novel where there are characters and the players of the characters. Then I watch The Gamers 2 and realize that my idea is pretty much already existent except that it is in movie form which means it exists in paper somewhere.
But Cake! Hope because the first movie and the second are not entirely tied in together. So I could have a series of books. But then snag... I don't exactly write hard core fantasy. I mean my novel The Aura Seers is closer to chick lit fantasy then anything like that.
I have a love/hate relationship with my novels... kind of like any relationship. You want to spend time with it but then get distracted and things get lost....
I have like six writers block books... haven't finished any of them.
When broken heart ensued I scheduled all of my time so I wouldn't have to think about anything... what happened... nothing... I played WoW non stop except for sleep and driving people to school. Gained a handful of levels. Now I can't even play WoW. DISTRACTED.
So I started putting together a database of potential publishers.... distracted... I've finished highlighting all of my publishing books... just haven't entered the database. BLAH..... I don't know where all of my motivation has gone.
I need to update my other blog. Postcards.... ya that hasn't really gone anywhere either.
Nope...
its Thurrsdayyyyy....
Even better. Another week slowly passing with me staring blankly at the screen of my computer trying to figure out what the hell to write about...
You would never know it but I have now been published twice, but for poetry - which is something I do not really have a passion for but hoped to expand my mind to. As for what I really do I have about three novels on the run as of right now. Periodically I will perk up and write in them but not massively as I had planned.
Then comes the distraction. Boy leaves girls, likes another girl, girl wants boy back. Heartbreak ensues. Then comes moving, then comes writing, then comes WoW, then comes moving, then comes passion like no other, and then comes D&D.
Then I think to myself.. hey I could write D&D.... and I think about it. I like the idea. I could write a novel where there are characters and the players of the characters. Then I watch The Gamers 2 and realize that my idea is pretty much already existent except that it is in movie form which means it exists in paper somewhere.
But Cake! Hope because the first movie and the second are not entirely tied in together. So I could have a series of books. But then snag... I don't exactly write hard core fantasy. I mean my novel The Aura Seers is closer to chick lit fantasy then anything like that.
I have a love/hate relationship with my novels... kind of like any relationship. You want to spend time with it but then get distracted and things get lost....
I have like six writers block books... haven't finished any of them.
When broken heart ensued I scheduled all of my time so I wouldn't have to think about anything... what happened... nothing... I played WoW non stop except for sleep and driving people to school. Gained a handful of levels. Now I can't even play WoW. DISTRACTED.
So I started putting together a database of potential publishers.... distracted... I've finished highlighting all of my publishing books... just haven't entered the database. BLAH..... I don't know where all of my motivation has gone.
I need to update my other blog. Postcards.... ya that hasn't really gone anywhere either.
January 22, 2011
Uprooted
So a lot has changed since my last post.
My boyfriend decided he didn't want to be with me anymore, and has already found someone else to chase. I have had to move out and ultimately leave everything because I didn't believe I could afford it. Moved back to a place I thought could feel safe and I don't feel safe here either.
I'm not one-hundred percent sure where I stand anywhere anymore. Job, Love, Life, School. I have so much that I want to do and I am lost. Its not that I want my cake and I want to eat it to. I just want something and it doesn't even have to be cake.
I'll settle. But then maybe that's another problem the fact that I am willing to settle when truth is I deserve every piece of cake I want. I have put up with so much and gone through so much in the last little while why don't I deserve to be happy.
Where is a knight of any kind. I will settle for not so shiny armor if that's what it takes. I want to be happy again. I want to know where I stand and I want to be on my own. What I don't want is to be here, surrounded by snow, hoping that I will wake up and forget all of this. Forget being unhappy. Forget Snow. Forget financial problems. I need to get my own place and stabilize my well-being. Grow an immunity to these sorts of situations, at least for the time being.
My boyfriend decided he didn't want to be with me anymore, and has already found someone else to chase. I have had to move out and ultimately leave everything because I didn't believe I could afford it. Moved back to a place I thought could feel safe and I don't feel safe here either.
I'm not one-hundred percent sure where I stand anywhere anymore. Job, Love, Life, School. I have so much that I want to do and I am lost. Its not that I want my cake and I want to eat it to. I just want something and it doesn't even have to be cake.
I'll settle. But then maybe that's another problem the fact that I am willing to settle when truth is I deserve every piece of cake I want. I have put up with so much and gone through so much in the last little while why don't I deserve to be happy.
Where is a knight of any kind. I will settle for not so shiny armor if that's what it takes. I want to be happy again. I want to know where I stand and I want to be on my own. What I don't want is to be here, surrounded by snow, hoping that I will wake up and forget all of this. Forget being unhappy. Forget Snow. Forget financial problems. I need to get my own place and stabilize my well-being. Grow an immunity to these sorts of situations, at least for the time being.
December 18, 2010
October 27, 2010
What's Going On
So I have been having a few issues, to say the least, lately.
There is no harm in trying to stay busy, but the problem is overwhelming myself.
And when I seemed to finally hit a balance... I faltered again.
I had brownies organized, everything with school going steady, work almost every day. I have been trying to keep up on my blogs and vlogs but yet... lost track of my Etsy. I had started this custom order and it seemed like every time I got somewhere with this order something shook. So it has been on going since August, finally had started etching and tragedy strikes.
Thursday night one of my closest friends from Highschool was in a car accident that she was not destined to outlive. Her daughter, almost three years, died instantly and she was put into a coma. After they declared her brain dead they made sure everything was ok for transplant and then they let her go.
Despite my discomfort and sadness I still feel like I have let someone down.
It took all the strength I had to still do the Halloween Party for my brownies, and seeing all those little girls in their costumes just made me break down. Had to excuse myself, take off if you will.
There is no one really here where I am. I mean physically. No one where I live. I have Mr. A Squared but he didn't know her... he hasn't felt the loss of a friend. I feel lost for words, all the things I should have said and didn't. I know you are not suppose to feel that way or think about those things but on days like these I just can't help it.
I just miss her, and I hope she knows how important she was to all of us. A role model for living life to its fullest and never being down.
-A
There is no harm in trying to stay busy, but the problem is overwhelming myself.
And when I seemed to finally hit a balance... I faltered again.
I had brownies organized, everything with school going steady, work almost every day. I have been trying to keep up on my blogs and vlogs but yet... lost track of my Etsy. I had started this custom order and it seemed like every time I got somewhere with this order something shook. So it has been on going since August, finally had started etching and tragedy strikes.
Thursday night one of my closest friends from Highschool was in a car accident that she was not destined to outlive. Her daughter, almost three years, died instantly and she was put into a coma. After they declared her brain dead they made sure everything was ok for transplant and then they let her go.
Despite my discomfort and sadness I still feel like I have let someone down.
It took all the strength I had to still do the Halloween Party for my brownies, and seeing all those little girls in their costumes just made me break down. Had to excuse myself, take off if you will.
There is no one really here where I am. I mean physically. No one where I live. I have Mr. A Squared but he didn't know her... he hasn't felt the loss of a friend. I feel lost for words, all the things I should have said and didn't. I know you are not suppose to feel that way or think about those things but on days like these I just can't help it.
I just miss her, and I hope she knows how important she was to all of us. A role model for living life to its fullest and never being down.
-A
October 12, 2010
Im not Dead!
I promise that I am still here and kicking around.
just been a long little while with everything.
I am being published in an anthology which is exciting.
Brownies started, I applied for a hefty scholarship, I have more to mail off because email is never acceptable, I need to finish my book, so many things!!!!!
Finish my book... get half way in my book. This is first priority.
I need to challenge myself to write a day a day. Since my book is written in days, and each day has a letter and an entry I think a day a day should be easy enough. Only 6 or so pages each day. =)
Speaking of which I am going to go write.
I just got back from a wonderful traditional Thanksgiving in Edmonton, and while I was there I had the privilege of meeting another upcoming author by the name of Dennis Gilmour. His first novel 'The Unveiling' has just been distributed into stores such as Coles and Chapters and so he was there doing a book signing and I got a chance to talk to him a bit about everything. His book is a sci-fi, which admittedly I do not read at all but I picked it up anyways. I read the back and it seems interesting enough and I got him to sign it! I am looking forward to trying it out.
I had a book idea once that was sci fi but I decided that since I don't read sci-fi it probably would not be that great of a book as I have no experience. Non-fiction and Fantasy on the other hand... let me take a crack at it.
Speaking of which, my novel from last year's Nanowrimo, entitled 'The Aura Seers,' also seems to have hit a bit of a rut. But at 30,000 words I could find a way to wrap it up =) and aim it towards a younger and shorter book audience.
Ok. I am off to bed as my back is starting to bug me.
=)
Best Wishes!
just been a long little while with everything.
I am being published in an anthology which is exciting.
Brownies started, I applied for a hefty scholarship, I have more to mail off because email is never acceptable, I need to finish my book, so many things!!!!!
Finish my book... get half way in my book. This is first priority.
I need to challenge myself to write a day a day. Since my book is written in days, and each day has a letter and an entry I think a day a day should be easy enough. Only 6 or so pages each day. =)
Speaking of which I am going to go write.
I just got back from a wonderful traditional Thanksgiving in Edmonton, and while I was there I had the privilege of meeting another upcoming author by the name of Dennis Gilmour. His first novel 'The Unveiling' has just been distributed into stores such as Coles and Chapters and so he was there doing a book signing and I got a chance to talk to him a bit about everything. His book is a sci-fi, which admittedly I do not read at all but I picked it up anyways. I read the back and it seems interesting enough and I got him to sign it! I am looking forward to trying it out.
I had a book idea once that was sci fi but I decided that since I don't read sci-fi it probably would not be that great of a book as I have no experience. Non-fiction and Fantasy on the other hand... let me take a crack at it.
Speaking of which, my novel from last year's Nanowrimo, entitled 'The Aura Seers,' also seems to have hit a bit of a rut. But at 30,000 words I could find a way to wrap it up =) and aim it towards a younger and shorter book audience.
Ok. I am off to bed as my back is starting to bug me.
=)
Best Wishes!
August 05, 2010
Only 1000?
I think I can do 1000
the question is on which account…
I have a few different things going on at the moment and to be honest getting even half this number on any of them would be awesome!
See more progress on: Reach 1000 subscribers on a youtube channel
How to get 100 subscribers on YouTube
"Perseverance is your friend!"
How I did it:
Lessons & tips: Video Responses and Comments are your best friends! By taking part you get your name out there and people click on your channel, sometimes that is all it takes.
It took me 2 months.
It made me Stoked
How I did it:
- Create an account
- Upload videos
- Browse around
- Meet people
- Find people to sub to
- Make video responses
- Take part in a Collab
- Et Voila!
Lessons & tips: Video Responses and Comments are your best friends! By taking part you get your name out there and people click on your channel, sometimes that is all it takes.
It took me 2 months.
It made me Stoked
See more progress on: Get 100 subscribers on YouTube
March 29, 2010
Pet Peeves
There are a plethora of things that I cannot seem to stand in the slightest
And these things always tend to happen around each other.
I will have one thing happen and then later... an hour or whatever... another will occur. They come in groups and maneuver around each other.
For instance... I have always been told that old men in hats were found in a number of studies to be the worst drivers in the world. So now it seems that every time I get stuck behind someone who doesn't put on a turn signal it is an old man in a hat.
I dont know why the concept of not turning on a turn signal bothers me but I do know that it pisses me off greatly. Its like "HELLO! Do you know care about the people around you? You just cut me off and then got mad at me for not letting you in? Hmm wonder why perhaps because you couldnt be bothered to signal and I didnt know you wanted in. Its not my bad that you suck at driving."
And these things always tend to happen around each other.
I will have one thing happen and then later... an hour or whatever... another will occur. They come in groups and maneuver around each other.
For instance... I have always been told that old men in hats were found in a number of studies to be the worst drivers in the world. So now it seems that every time I get stuck behind someone who doesn't put on a turn signal it is an old man in a hat.
I dont know why the concept of not turning on a turn signal bothers me but I do know that it pisses me off greatly. Its like "HELLO! Do you know care about the people around you? You just cut me off and then got mad at me for not letting you in? Hmm wonder why perhaps because you couldnt be bothered to signal and I didnt know you wanted in. Its not my bad that you suck at driving."
January 14, 2010
English Class
There is a particular fear of mine,
that you might know,
of saying things and dreading them after.
It happens on occasion,
like at my best friends wedding,
when you think it will work,
and it doesnt.
Sometimes you think that no one will notice,
and others it sticks,
In this particular case I feel like I have officially singled myself out as
the youngest
most immature
unintelligent
individual
in the room.
I know that that isnt necessarily true.
but at the same time it is that feeling that is present more than anything
It has significant following and builds
fluently through the embracement of the lac of mainstream.
I am asked to write about an article, and about a school.
My school experience and it seems as though the only ones I could write about
is highschool, where it seems as though the idea of writing or even mentioning high school
in this class is vito.
Which is ironic because this class is about stepping outside the traditional bylaws of education.
Oppression of the Pedagogy by Paolo Friere.
Pushing out ward and questioning why there are such boxes or concrete concepts of what we should or should not do.
Sitting near the end.
I just write the way I write... being put on the spot frightens me.
that you might know,
of saying things and dreading them after.
It happens on occasion,
like at my best friends wedding,
when you think it will work,
and it doesnt.
Sometimes you think that no one will notice,
and others it sticks,
In this particular case I feel like I have officially singled myself out as
the youngest
most immature
unintelligent
individual
in the room.
I know that that isnt necessarily true.
but at the same time it is that feeling that is present more than anything
It has significant following and builds
fluently through the embracement of the lac of mainstream.
I am asked to write about an article, and about a school.
My school experience and it seems as though the only ones I could write about
is highschool, where it seems as though the idea of writing or even mentioning high school
in this class is vito.
Which is ironic because this class is about stepping outside the traditional bylaws of education.
Oppression of the Pedagogy by Paolo Friere.
Pushing out ward and questioning why there are such boxes or concrete concepts of what we should or should not do.
- A- Alex just said that he was a bit younger then her but he felt the same
- and I yelled ouch, not thinking, and rebekah hit me, Embrassed slightly
- Other - Hi rebecca
- A - I feel more socially awkward and self-conscious everytime I enter this class
- OTher - Why's that
- A - my self confidence diminishes. I just feel like I do not know as much as I should. I shouldnt have said anything an dI did. another agist mistake
- OTher - I'm probably not going to do many of the readings. I hardly have time
- A - Thats not what I mean. I mean that I have less experience than the seasoned people in this room the ones who have had more experience with Jake and with Engl
- Other - You've had a lot of exp with Jake haven't you
- A - I dont know. My shell is cracking. but whatever. I dont mind being the nerd at the back of the class
- Other - Your shell is cracking? Jeeze amy, a couple more lines and you've got quite the poetic piece there.
- A - Im emotionally detached. You should know that by now. Perhaps not. No one really knows just Amy. But never the less, the words are bitter and dramatic
Sitting near the end.
I just write the way I write... being put on the spot frightens me.
November 26, 2009
It is the 26
It is the 26 of November
4 days left of NanoWrimo
and I am about to plan an all nighter.
I have gone to the store and bought tons of candy
chocolate bars
chips
Jerky
Slurpee
I am awesomely excited.
All nighter for NanoWrimo, going to hit atleast 40,000 words
Atleast, by this time tomorrow, and then I am going to sleep!
This is my night of literary abandon!
Im stoked.
I started off the night by donating to the NanoWrimo fund
and I now have a Halo above my username.
Stoked.
Anyways, I am off to finish installing windows seven
and then on to writing!
4 days left of NanoWrimo
and I am about to plan an all nighter.
I have gone to the store and bought tons of candy
chocolate bars
chips
Jerky
Slurpee
I am awesomely excited.
All nighter for NanoWrimo, going to hit atleast 40,000 words
Atleast, by this time tomorrow, and then I am going to sleep!
This is my night of literary abandon!
Im stoked.
I started off the night by donating to the NanoWrimo fund
and I now have a Halo above my username.
Stoked.
Anyways, I am off to finish installing windows seven
and then on to writing!
September 21, 2009
Etsy Reviews Update!
Hello all,
I know that I am running a bit behind on my reviews and I apologize for that inconveince.
I was in a car accident last week on Wednesday and have been a bit out of it since then. I am in some pain and have muscles soreness and tension as well as some hefty bruising.
So All of the shops below are considered our final roster for the etsy reviews and they have all arrived:
Thanks
-Mrs.A
I know that I am running a bit behind on my reviews and I apologize for that inconveince.
I was in a car accident last week on Wednesday and have been a bit out of it since then. I am in some pain and have muscles soreness and tension as well as some hefty bruising.
So All of the shops below are considered our final roster for the etsy reviews and they have all arrived:
- RedBarnWalnuts
- layla
- BlissCandies
- mermaidcaramels
- contacthope
- miaMallows
- OhFudgeStore
- InspiredCakeSickles
- WelshGardenTearoom **
- groovycookies ***
- CreationsbyChristina ***
- BarnKitchen ***
- cafloogle ***
- VersaMe ***
- Arnicae ***
- Priscillaschocolates ***
- bakeryTAKUMI ***
- BeezersBistro ****
- marasmaples ****
- Lebellacaramella****
Thanks
-Mrs.A
August 29, 2009
Etsy Review - #5) OhFudgeStore
Fifth review is for OhFudgeStore
OhFudgeStore has been opened, or the user name was created, since April 2008.
The store has had 338 sales/buys and has a rating of 100% positive.
And the location is in the Pacific Northwest!
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Shipping and Packaging~¤
The Fudge was in a padded envelope and was safe and secured in one piece. The container is resealable which is handy, especially since I can't eat that much sugar in one sitting. Aha! there wasn't any special wrapping or additions but it wasn't necessary as the fudge spoke for itself.
All in All the shipping/packaging receives a 5/5
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Edibility/Taste~¤
The Fudge I ordered was a Buttercreme fudge and was absolutely to die for. Now I dont buy fudge often because of how sweet it was but this was definitely worth the wait time for shipping. Although it did have its fair share of sugar, it was still not too sweet which was extremely important because if the flavor is too much ro the sugar is too much then it just doesn't not taste good. This was damn good fudge, I highly recommend it!!
Taste scores a whopping 5/5.. if it could be more, realistically, then it would be.
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Contact/Shop~¤
I actually didn't have a long conversation with the contact from the shop but they were up front and honest and took the time with the fudge. Although they made it right away, the contact didn't want to ship it out right after in case it would have been sitting in the post office all weekend. So I was sent a message saying they were going to wait till Monday and I really respect the thought in that. If it had sat in the post office all weekend long, especially in this heat we are having, it would have done something wrong to the Fudge. I can only imagine how separated and gross the Fudge could have been and I am thankful it made it to me in one yummy piece.
To Check Out The Video - Go to http://www.youtube.com/ScrtSolstice
Or Check it out Here:
OhFudgeStore has been opened, or the user name was created, since April 2008.
The store has had 338 sales/buys and has a rating of 100% positive.
And the location is in the Pacific Northwest!
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Shipping and Packaging~¤
The Fudge was in a padded envelope and was safe and secured in one piece. The container is resealable which is handy, especially since I can't eat that much sugar in one sitting. Aha! there wasn't any special wrapping or additions but it wasn't necessary as the fudge spoke for itself.
All in All the shipping/packaging receives a 5/5
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Edibility/Taste~¤
The Fudge I ordered was a Buttercreme fudge and was absolutely to die for. Now I dont buy fudge often because of how sweet it was but this was definitely worth the wait time for shipping. Although it did have its fair share of sugar, it was still not too sweet which was extremely important because if the flavor is too much ro the sugar is too much then it just doesn't not taste good. This was damn good fudge, I highly recommend it!!
Taste scores a whopping 5/5.. if it could be more, realistically, then it would be.
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Contact/Shop~¤
I actually didn't have a long conversation with the contact from the shop but they were up front and honest and took the time with the fudge. Although they made it right away, the contact didn't want to ship it out right after in case it would have been sitting in the post office all weekend. So I was sent a message saying they were going to wait till Monday and I really respect the thought in that. If it had sat in the post office all weekend long, especially in this heat we are having, it would have done something wrong to the Fudge. I can only imagine how separated and gross the Fudge could have been and I am thankful it made it to me in one yummy piece.
To Check Out The Video - Go to http://www.youtube.com/ScrtSolstice
Or Check it out Here:
August 27, 2009
Etsy Review - #4) layla
Fourth review is for layla
layla has been opened since August 30 2005
The store has had 1691 buys/sales
And the rating is 100% positive!
From Washington (Not Hawaii...like I said in my video.. oh dear..)
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Shipping and Packaging~¤
Whether or not the big box was necessary I do not know but I do appreciate it because it allowed room for cushion. And we all know that banana fragments are not the same as banana chips! So hurray!
All in All the shipping/packaging receives a 5/5
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Edibility/Taste~¤
The chips were not too hard but also not soft which is perfect.
The banana flavor wasn't too strong or too light and so they were awesome! A lot better than the bulk ones you can get at your local Extra Foods so they rocked!
A definite 5/5~!
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Contact/Shop~¤
The shop contacted me almost immediately and said that they appreciated what I was doing in the month of august! Which is almost. And when the shop contact realized how much it would cost to ship they contacted me first to double check that this was still ok! And that rocks! Thanks for being so considerate. I appreciate it. And I love the chips.
To Check Out The Video - Go to http://www.youtube.com/ScrtSolstice
Or Check it out Here:
layla has been opened since August 30 2005
The store has had 1691 buys/sales
And the rating is 100% positive!
From Washington (Not Hawaii...like I said in my video.. oh dear..)
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Shipping and Packaging~¤
Whether or not the big box was necessary I do not know but I do appreciate it because it allowed room for cushion. And we all know that banana fragments are not the same as banana chips! So hurray!
All in All the shipping/packaging receives a 5/5
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Edibility/Taste~¤
The chips were not too hard but also not soft which is perfect.
The banana flavor wasn't too strong or too light and so they were awesome! A lot better than the bulk ones you can get at your local Extra Foods so they rocked!
A definite 5/5~!
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Contact/Shop~¤
The shop contacted me almost immediately and said that they appreciated what I was doing in the month of august! Which is almost. And when the shop contact realized how much it would cost to ship they contacted me first to double check that this was still ok! And that rocks! Thanks for being so considerate. I appreciate it. And I love the chips.
To Check Out The Video - Go to http://www.youtube.com/ScrtSolstice
Or Check it out Here:
Etsy Review - #3) miaMallows
Third review is for miaMallows
miaMallows has been opened since June 2009 and has had 57 sales/buys with 100% positive feedback. From San Antonio
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Shipping and Packaging~¤
The box was the standard shipping box that we have been seeing a lot of in my house for the last few days and it was stuffed to the brim with marshmallows, no space wasted which I am really happy with. That box was definitely used well for once aha! There was a nice little wrapping and a thank-you card so....
All in All the shipping/packaging receives a 5/5
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Edibility/Taste~¤
These are possibly the best marshmallows I have ever had. That being said I am not a fan of some of the flavors on their own. Although I do not like the coffee or cotton candy/bubble gum or caramel flavors they mimicked their concepts almost identically. The coffee smelt and tasted like a cup of Tims, and the Caramel looked great and tasted like caramel. The Cotton Candy kind of tasted like bubblegum but that is alright. Didnt taste bad.
The Pina Colada was the best BEST BEST! I also loved the Lime and Raspberry.
But omg... go get some.. Pina Colada!
And they were individually wrapped, labeled and and and they were extremely soft and yummy!
A definite 5/5~~!!!
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Contact/Shop~¤
The contact was extremely friendly and got back to me in an extremely timely manner. I really appreciate the friendly and outgoing manner I was contacted in. Every one of the marshmallows were individually wrapped and labeled which made my life easier! And And And!! I got a thank-you note.
And I conned Alex into trying them all! His fave was also the pina colada but he also liked the Coffee.. it freaked him out how well the flavors mimicked the actual identity. Well done indeed!! If you made something so good that Alex tried it, then it can only be awesome!
To Check Out The Video - Go to http://www.youtube.com/ScrtSolstice
Or Check it out Here:
miaMallows has been opened since June 2009 and has had 57 sales/buys with 100% positive feedback. From San Antonio
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Shipping and Packaging~¤
The box was the standard shipping box that we have been seeing a lot of in my house for the last few days and it was stuffed to the brim with marshmallows, no space wasted which I am really happy with. That box was definitely used well for once aha! There was a nice little wrapping and a thank-you card so....
All in All the shipping/packaging receives a 5/5
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Edibility/Taste~¤
These are possibly the best marshmallows I have ever had. That being said I am not a fan of some of the flavors on their own. Although I do not like the coffee or cotton candy/bubble gum or caramel flavors they mimicked their concepts almost identically. The coffee smelt and tasted like a cup of Tims, and the Caramel looked great and tasted like caramel. The Cotton Candy kind of tasted like bubblegum but that is alright. Didnt taste bad.
The Pina Colada was the best BEST BEST! I also loved the Lime and Raspberry.
But omg... go get some.. Pina Colada!
And they were individually wrapped, labeled and and and they were extremely soft and yummy!
A definite 5/5~~!!!
¤´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨) ¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~Contact/Shop~¤
The contact was extremely friendly and got back to me in an extremely timely manner. I really appreciate the friendly and outgoing manner I was contacted in. Every one of the marshmallows were individually wrapped and labeled which made my life easier! And And And!! I got a thank-you note.
And I conned Alex into trying them all! His fave was also the pina colada but he also liked the Coffee.. it freaked him out how well the flavors mimicked the actual identity. Well done indeed!! If you made something so good that Alex tried it, then it can only be awesome!
To Check Out The Video - Go to http://www.youtube.com/ScrtSolstice
Or Check it out Here:
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