So a lot has changed since my last post.
My boyfriend decided he didn't want to be with me anymore, and has already found someone else to chase. I have had to move out and ultimately leave everything because I didn't believe I could afford it. Moved back to a place I thought could feel safe and I don't feel safe here either.
I'm not one-hundred percent sure where I stand anywhere anymore. Job, Love, Life, School. I have so much that I want to do and I am lost. Its not that I want my cake and I want to eat it to. I just want something and it doesn't even have to be cake.
I'll settle. But then maybe that's another problem the fact that I am willing to settle when truth is I deserve every piece of cake I want. I have put up with so much and gone through so much in the last little while why don't I deserve to be happy.
Where is a knight of any kind. I will settle for not so shiny armor if that's what it takes. I want to be happy again. I want to know where I stand and I want to be on my own. What I don't want is to be here, surrounded by snow, hoping that I will wake up and forget all of this. Forget being unhappy. Forget Snow. Forget financial problems. I need to get my own place and stabilize my well-being. Grow an immunity to these sorts of situations, at least for the time being.
January 22, 2011
December 18, 2010
October 27, 2010
What's Going On
So I have been having a few issues, to say the least, lately.
There is no harm in trying to stay busy, but the problem is overwhelming myself.
And when I seemed to finally hit a balance... I faltered again.
I had brownies organized, everything with school going steady, work almost every day. I have been trying to keep up on my blogs and vlogs but yet... lost track of my Etsy. I had started this custom order and it seemed like every time I got somewhere with this order something shook. So it has been on going since August, finally had started etching and tragedy strikes.
Thursday night one of my closest friends from Highschool was in a car accident that she was not destined to outlive. Her daughter, almost three years, died instantly and she was put into a coma. After they declared her brain dead they made sure everything was ok for transplant and then they let her go.
Despite my discomfort and sadness I still feel like I have let someone down.
It took all the strength I had to still do the Halloween Party for my brownies, and seeing all those little girls in their costumes just made me break down. Had to excuse myself, take off if you will.
There is no one really here where I am. I mean physically. No one where I live. I have Mr. A Squared but he didn't know her... he hasn't felt the loss of a friend. I feel lost for words, all the things I should have said and didn't. I know you are not suppose to feel that way or think about those things but on days like these I just can't help it.
I just miss her, and I hope she knows how important she was to all of us. A role model for living life to its fullest and never being down.
-A
There is no harm in trying to stay busy, but the problem is overwhelming myself.
And when I seemed to finally hit a balance... I faltered again.
I had brownies organized, everything with school going steady, work almost every day. I have been trying to keep up on my blogs and vlogs but yet... lost track of my Etsy. I had started this custom order and it seemed like every time I got somewhere with this order something shook. So it has been on going since August, finally had started etching and tragedy strikes.
Thursday night one of my closest friends from Highschool was in a car accident that she was not destined to outlive. Her daughter, almost three years, died instantly and she was put into a coma. After they declared her brain dead they made sure everything was ok for transplant and then they let her go.
Despite my discomfort and sadness I still feel like I have let someone down.
It took all the strength I had to still do the Halloween Party for my brownies, and seeing all those little girls in their costumes just made me break down. Had to excuse myself, take off if you will.
There is no one really here where I am. I mean physically. No one where I live. I have Mr. A Squared but he didn't know her... he hasn't felt the loss of a friend. I feel lost for words, all the things I should have said and didn't. I know you are not suppose to feel that way or think about those things but on days like these I just can't help it.
I just miss her, and I hope she knows how important she was to all of us. A role model for living life to its fullest and never being down.
-A
October 12, 2010
Im not Dead!
I promise that I am still here and kicking around.
just been a long little while with everything.
I am being published in an anthology which is exciting.
Brownies started, I applied for a hefty scholarship, I have more to mail off because email is never acceptable, I need to finish my book, so many things!!!!!
Finish my book... get half way in my book. This is first priority.
I need to challenge myself to write a day a day. Since my book is written in days, and each day has a letter and an entry I think a day a day should be easy enough. Only 6 or so pages each day. =)
Speaking of which I am going to go write.
I just got back from a wonderful traditional Thanksgiving in Edmonton, and while I was there I had the privilege of meeting another upcoming author by the name of Dennis Gilmour. His first novel 'The Unveiling' has just been distributed into stores such as Coles and Chapters and so he was there doing a book signing and I got a chance to talk to him a bit about everything. His book is a sci-fi, which admittedly I do not read at all but I picked it up anyways. I read the back and it seems interesting enough and I got him to sign it! I am looking forward to trying it out.
I had a book idea once that was sci fi but I decided that since I don't read sci-fi it probably would not be that great of a book as I have no experience. Non-fiction and Fantasy on the other hand... let me take a crack at it.
Speaking of which, my novel from last year's Nanowrimo, entitled 'The Aura Seers,' also seems to have hit a bit of a rut. But at 30,000 words I could find a way to wrap it up =) and aim it towards a younger and shorter book audience.
Ok. I am off to bed as my back is starting to bug me.
=)
Best Wishes!
just been a long little while with everything.
I am being published in an anthology which is exciting.
Brownies started, I applied for a hefty scholarship, I have more to mail off because email is never acceptable, I need to finish my book, so many things!!!!!
Finish my book... get half way in my book. This is first priority.
I need to challenge myself to write a day a day. Since my book is written in days, and each day has a letter and an entry I think a day a day should be easy enough. Only 6 or so pages each day. =)
Speaking of which I am going to go write.
I just got back from a wonderful traditional Thanksgiving in Edmonton, and while I was there I had the privilege of meeting another upcoming author by the name of Dennis Gilmour. His first novel 'The Unveiling' has just been distributed into stores such as Coles and Chapters and so he was there doing a book signing and I got a chance to talk to him a bit about everything. His book is a sci-fi, which admittedly I do not read at all but I picked it up anyways. I read the back and it seems interesting enough and I got him to sign it! I am looking forward to trying it out.
I had a book idea once that was sci fi but I decided that since I don't read sci-fi it probably would not be that great of a book as I have no experience. Non-fiction and Fantasy on the other hand... let me take a crack at it.
Speaking of which, my novel from last year's Nanowrimo, entitled 'The Aura Seers,' also seems to have hit a bit of a rut. But at 30,000 words I could find a way to wrap it up =) and aim it towards a younger and shorter book audience.
Ok. I am off to bed as my back is starting to bug me.
=)
Best Wishes!
August 05, 2010
Only 1000?
I think I can do 1000
the question is on which account…
I have a few different things going on at the moment and to be honest getting even half this number on any of them would be awesome!
See more progress on: Reach 1000 subscribers on a youtube channel
How to get 100 subscribers on YouTube
"Perseverance is your friend!"
How I did it:
Lessons & tips: Video Responses and Comments are your best friends! By taking part you get your name out there and people click on your channel, sometimes that is all it takes.
It took me 2 months.
It made me Stoked
How I did it:
- Create an account
- Upload videos
- Browse around
- Meet people
- Find people to sub to
- Make video responses
- Take part in a Collab
- Et Voila!
Lessons & tips: Video Responses and Comments are your best friends! By taking part you get your name out there and people click on your channel, sometimes that is all it takes.
It took me 2 months.
It made me Stoked
See more progress on: Get 100 subscribers on YouTube
March 29, 2010
Pet Peeves
There are a plethora of things that I cannot seem to stand in the slightest
And these things always tend to happen around each other.
I will have one thing happen and then later... an hour or whatever... another will occur. They come in groups and maneuver around each other.
For instance... I have always been told that old men in hats were found in a number of studies to be the worst drivers in the world. So now it seems that every time I get stuck behind someone who doesn't put on a turn signal it is an old man in a hat.
I dont know why the concept of not turning on a turn signal bothers me but I do know that it pisses me off greatly. Its like "HELLO! Do you know care about the people around you? You just cut me off and then got mad at me for not letting you in? Hmm wonder why perhaps because you couldnt be bothered to signal and I didnt know you wanted in. Its not my bad that you suck at driving."
And these things always tend to happen around each other.
I will have one thing happen and then later... an hour or whatever... another will occur. They come in groups and maneuver around each other.
For instance... I have always been told that old men in hats were found in a number of studies to be the worst drivers in the world. So now it seems that every time I get stuck behind someone who doesn't put on a turn signal it is an old man in a hat.
I dont know why the concept of not turning on a turn signal bothers me but I do know that it pisses me off greatly. Its like "HELLO! Do you know care about the people around you? You just cut me off and then got mad at me for not letting you in? Hmm wonder why perhaps because you couldnt be bothered to signal and I didnt know you wanted in. Its not my bad that you suck at driving."
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